Photosynthesis Reimagined
I seem to have been inspired by the Fall season’s signature sign: Photosynthesis. Yes, leaves do happen to change colors in the deep south; much later than the northern states but I’m digressing. Each Fall brings change to the deciduous trees by depriving it of one of its life-giving sources, chlorophyll, only to return light back to it in abundance and spring new life.
I think we ourselves are very much the same…while growth does indeed come from light, it is the darkness that forces the inner reflections to challenge us to be better each year: a better organizer, better financial management, better choices with friendships, better parent, better friend, and so on.
This isn’t a new reflection I’ve had over time but one where it was constant and now it wans and waxes through the year. I caught myself, during this time of reset, comparing myself to my maternal grandmother and mother; then measuring myself according to their own cooking conduct. Let me add some context to this.
Spoiler! Never compare; always do you because you are enough.
Cooking Through the Generations
Cooking has been the great unifier in my extended family, and I can see that being a generational tradition. I wonder why that is for some folks (Psst! Post A Reply with why that is for you, if it applies). Through the eyes of a child, it was nothing but joy and laughter with a few minor passive-aggressive comments here and there. As I grew into adulthood, I became aware of certain offenses family members had with each other, and then you start pay attention to those involved and I was shocked that even through there drama, they still donned the mask of joy, perhaps because of the awkward nature, perhaps out of respect for others, or perhaps a way to ignore the true issue. I quickly surmised that this gathering at the table did one of two things:
1) Bring families together
2) Brush over unresolved issues.
That’s another blog for another month. Let me take you through the evolution of cooking throughout my life.
Childhood Innocence
I have extremely fond memories of both my large extended family gatherings and small nuclear one. They all had something in common: planning. With that many people there had to be a plan involved to pull such a feat off. My grandmother enjoyed being surrounded by her children and grandchildren. There were so many of us! She also enjoyed the chaos of cooking from start to finish. This meant we did all the cooking at her house. The days leading up to the big event, various aunts and uncles would stop by and drop off ingredients: chicken, turkey, ham, vegetables, cheese, noodles, etc. Then at the crack of dawn that day, I wake up to the smells of broth simmering, bacon sizzling and the infectious laughter of retellings from their childhood or current events. I remember my aunts being my grandmother’s sous chefs while she orchestrated each dish’s preparation. It was like a glimpse into their childhood. My grandmother continued to cook into her 80s…where we did most of it while she gave out instructions.
Young Adult assumptions through observation
As a child, I remember my mother cooking throughout our younger years and started teaching me to cook in my early teens. One thing she carried on from her mother was to have breakfast every morning and dinner every evening. Now the breakfast wasn’t necessarily the same full grits, eggs, bacon, and buttered toast but a portable version of pan sausage and a biscuit. Still, we went to school with a belly of food. That’s something I don’t take for granted as not every child is afforded this seemingly simple act. The generation shifted and my mother became an on-the-go multitasker.
Late teens and Entering Adulthood
I want to say around sixteen, my mother revealed to me that she didn’t like cooking, she did it because she HAD to. Before this revelation, I couldn’t tell the difference. Oh, but after, it really started to show. I’m referring to the moment her last child (my brother) went off to college. Cooking became less often and more generic. I always remember her being so creative in her cooking.
Even when I came home to visit and the two years I lived with them after school, I cooked dinner nearly every night for them. I didn’t mind because I LOVED cooking. My mom would make bold requests and I would spend my day at work looking up the recipe and planning to pick up the ingredients on my way home from work. They enjoyed this until I moved out and started my own family. My mom still cooks but nothing nearly as close to what I remember growing up. She stopped ‘cooking’ in her late 40s.
Early Motherhood Versus Late Motherhood
I had so much excitement and vigor during the first twelve years of my marriage with our 3 kids. I remember looking forward to what I had planned to cook each evening. I had a home-cooked meal on the table every night, I did dial back the breakfast to a special big breakfast every Saturday morning, and I did a Sunday Dinner feast each Sunday. The way I looked at breakfast was we pay the daycare and schools for it, all I got to do is get them there on time, and I did.
Then as food preferences and dietary restrictions changed and the extracurricular activities became more demanding, I had to let something go and my DESIRE to cook died down even though my PASSION is very much alive and well. My older two remember my extravagant, inventive, and tasty weekday dinners and the bountiful Saturday breakfasts but my youngest doesn’t. This has brought me some disconcert. I want ALL of my kids to remember my cooking but also bring back dinner at the table with the family. Today, I only cook on holidays and even then, I tone it down.
State of Uncertainty: Finding my rhythm
I find myself in a state of limbo. I am in a place between my grandmother, who loves to cook, and my mother, who cooked out of necessity. I can say that I have my spurts, particularly during this time of year where I always pull out my old magazines with Fall Recipes and will just do a random get-together that folks look forward to each year. I host a dinner with some lighthearted group games with a party spread of butternut squash soup, seafood bisque, stuffed mushrooms, grilled vegetables, assorted grilled meats with sauces, a charcuterie board, a festive mocktail, gift exchanges, and activities for the kids. It’s like I saved up all the cooking for the year to entertain and host during this time of year. I get all giddy and excited!I just need to get back to finding the balance I had in my early motherhood and bring that spirit back. It always comes down to effort and time. I think I’ll use this downtime to get back to what I enjoy about cooking.